Broken
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: Koschei's attacked in both mind and body, causing a downhill spiral into the Master. Theta/Koschei. Rated T for themes. Co-written with Theta'sWorstNightmare
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This fic is a co-write with my friend Izzy (Theta'sWorstNightmare). Updates will probably be slow 'cause both me and Izzy are busy. This first chapter was written by Izzy with just editing and a few changes from me. Please R&R and hope you like it :)**

**Broken  
>Chapter 1<strong>

The second sun was already lowering behind the great mountain of Solace and Solitude when Koschei finally bid farewell to Theta and started to make his way home. He knew well that he shouldn't go through the woods at night, but he was having too much of a good time with his friend to break it in a reasonable time. Beside there wasn't much of a wild life on Gallifrey, he reasoned with himself. Nothing like the animals he had read about in the books about other planets, which the Deca would sneak from the Academy's library. It wasn't first time he had done it either, but today something was sending him on edge. His teeth were itching, as if something was coming his way and was affecting him physically and mentally but he could not determine what. Lucky Theta, the Lungbarrow's house was in the skirts of the mountain meaning he didn't have to make this long walk through the dark woods to Koschei's mansion.

"Don't be such a sissy, you bloody idiot. Nothing can happen to you just because it's dark." Koschei chastised himself for his nervousness as much as to show himself how silly he was being, as to just hear his voice so the place would not be so quiet. He heard the cry of a bird behind himself and the sound made him jump and spin around.

"Idiot!" He spat to himself and kept going towards home. He promised himself that he was not going to start jumping at every sound that the forest would make. However there was a rustling around the bushes and a snapping of a twig which made his steps falter slightly. This time it sounded like something far larger then birds, but he dismissed it as Tafelshrews. His mind was already drifting back to his meeting with Theta, and how he could see all his dreams crumble. He had just learned that his father had found him the perfect wife, or at least Lord Oakdown thought she was the perfect wife. She was from a powerful family with a high position but not so long noble history and big clan like the Oakdown. The Oakdowns were losing power with him being his father's only son and his unstable mental health endangering his chances to become Lord President. This this was the perfect political match for their families. Koschei smiled, oh if they only knew Ushas…But he didn't love her, all he wanted was to not have to hide his relationship with Theta. Admittedly they had never gone beyond kissing but he was determined to save himself for his love.

He was so engrossed in his thought that he missed the short moment when the dying rays of the already settling sun caught on a white robe of a moving figure. The silver leaves on the trees were shining beautifully, but the shadows the trees were sending most of the place in deep dark shadows. Koschei could feel goose bumps on the patches of skin that was left revealed by his robes and the chilling eerie sensation almost made him run on the rest of the way.

With great difficulty he restrained from running off like a scared child, such indignity he would not allow himself. Reaching a small opening between the tall imposing trees he let a sigh of relief, he could almost see the Oakdown estate from there which give him more confidence. The opening didn't provide much more light now that the second sun was down behind the mountains and all that was left was the orange glow lighting the snow on the mountain tops. Still it was better than the deep shadows of the trees that seems to press down on him at night, he could get a breath here and remind himself that the forest is not endless just a couple of miles. Just when he let his thoughts roam into the direction of thinking that he was safe a glimpse of the light catching in something bright and white made his hearts jump into his mouth. Now that he concentrated he could feel the presence of another Time Lord nearby, but it wasn't Theta.

"Is anyone there?" Koschei asked trying to stop his voice from shaking and make it sound confident and threatening. However it came out a bit higher that he would have liked. "I have to warn you whoever you are that I have one of Ushas' mice and I'm not afraid to use it."

A long silence stretched in the forest while Koschei waited for an answer. He held his breath not daring to even move wondering who would go following him there. He could almost imagine that it was some of his father's servants who were sent to spy on him. His hearts started to speed up while he was trying to peer at the shadows to see the person cowering there. Did his father know about him and Theta? What would Lord Oakdown do to them if he knew? All these questions and his quickening hearth beat and breath made his head feel light and the drum beat in his head started to pound against his skull. Rubbing at his temples to ease the pain he started to control his breaths. It couldn't have been any of his father's servants because the presence was a Time Lord, maybe some of Theta's cousins were going to the house. Feeling stupid for overreacting he turned around to walk the last mile towards home and drink some of his mother's hot herbs to calm his nerves. She took on the habit to boil him some calming herbs since he looked into the Vortex and started to get headaches. Everyone thought he was mad, even his dad and sometimes Theta only Lady Oakdown said that he just needed something to calm him down and he would be ok.

He made a few steps towards the other end of the opening, only to run into the solid body of a person who was dressed in a peasant way and smelled a bit unwashed. Staggering backwards he looked at the man in front of him. It was a Shoobugan in a scruffy grey trousers and tunic, it wasn't a Time Lord, so he can't be alone, Koschei thought. What was Shoobugan doing there? It wasn't one of his father's servants either. Shoobugans didn't come to this part of Gallifrey often unless it was for work, but this one didn't seem to come for work. Lord Lungbarrow didn't approve on having Shoobugans for servants so it was unlikely that was the man's destination. Koschei looked at his face and noted the predatory smile and the twinkle in his eyes when he looked Koschei up and down. Instantly a sick feeling grew in Koschei as the young Time Lord could swear that there was an undisguised lust in the man's expression. Suddenly the world started to spin faster and the increasing sound in his head sent white and black spots in front of his eyes.

The man reached a dirty, scrubby hand towards Koschei and the cracks in the skin made the young Time Lord cringe and bite down on his lower lip. He wanted to run, but the fear seemed to have him paralyzed, only able to watch. The four beat rhythm in his head increased to a frantic tattoo muffling all the rest of the noises around him. For once Koschei was grateful for the drums in his head, he could pretend that he had detached himself from his physical body and watch for afar. As the Shoobugan slide his hands around Koschei's body another person came out of the shadows. Koschei sensed the presence of the other Time Lord even before he had recognized the bully from the Academy.

"My Lord Barin," Koschei tried to greet the other Time Lord in a proper fashion without betraying his fear. He knew what Barin was capable of, he had been on the receiving end of his bulling in more than one occasions.

"My Lord Koschei," Barin greeted back. "I hear you are about to marry soon. How inappropriate for us to take you before your spouse, but I'm sure our Lady Ushas would understand. However I do not have a desire in physical activities."

Barin reached a hand to touch Koschei's head positioning his fingers on his temples. Suddenly realizing what that meant Koschei tried to pull away, instant panic overtaking him, but the Shoobugan's hands were securely locked on him keeping him firmly on place. He gritted his teeth determined not to whimper or cry, but still wriggling trying to get free. He should have known better than to cross the wood in the dark, he thought all this was his own fault. Still the drums were taunting him trying to tell him that he had to hurt them, and then kill them. And he would have done it, but he was powerless in the grip of the low Gallifreyan who was at least two times his size.

"Joined in mind and in body. Isn't that what you would promise your spouse, my Lord Koschei?" Barin teased him. "Let's see how much of your messed up mind still is worth joining."

"You have no right Barin!" Koschei shouted in vain hoping that the bully would stop. "You can't enter someone's mind without consequences."

Deaf to his reasoning Barin pushed on the mental barriers in Koschei's mind trying to find the weaker place to from which to bring them down. His efforts were met with Koschei's determination; he had pulled up thick brick and concrete walls. When one was starting to crack he would slam another wall up to shield his mind. But all that was taking its toll on him and he wasn't sure how long he would keep his mind locked from Barin.

Koschei was starting to panic; the walls in his mind were slowly crumbling down under the assault from the bully. He wanted to scream and struggle away, he wanted to kick and cry, but he seemed to be locked inside his head being only an outsider spectator to what was happening to his body. What made him panic even further was the hands of the peasant roaming around his body. These cracked, overworked hands were tearing on his clothes and touching his skin making it burn with shame and anger. Something in his head snapped and an explosion of red hot rage spread through his brain. This was supposed to be his most enjoyable time with Theta. A Time Lord's intimacy was way beyond the other species intimacy. If for the others was on a more physical realm and sex, Time Lords had it combined between physical and psychical, and he was saving this first time for Theta. They were robbing him of that, a Time Lord usually bonds once, there was only one person that could fully be shared with.

Memories, pictures and thoughts were flying chaotic through his mind. He was trying to organize then, hide and lock them, but to no avail. His barriers were long fallen and the chaos in his head spread from his sub-consciousness through all around his head. The drums were beating an erratic rhythm trying to break the locked away monster inside him. He screamed in rage when the Shoobugan entered him and started to move almost in rhythm with the drums inside his head. All Koschei could do was scream and crawl on the dirt. The fight was leaving him, when Barin finally brought down his last mental defence and looked into his memory of the Schism. Even the drums were starting to get muffled now that his mind was teased to pieces and the pieces seemed to be messed up and in complete chaos.

Barin straightened up and dusted his hands as if to shake the dirt from touching Koschei's messy mind. He nodded at the Shoobugan and they left the young Time Lord lying on the ground with completely shattered mind and body.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Me and Izzy are gonna be alternating chapters, so I wrote this one. I probably won't put on the top of each who wrote it, it should be easy to work out :P **

**Broken  
>Chapter 2<strong>

Koschei didn't move except to curl himself up, as though make himself smaller could make the pain less. Logically he knew this could never work, but all sensible thoughts had abandoned him, leaving him with only the complete and al- consuming pain. The drums were thumping in his head faster and louder than he could remember them being. They were screaming in protest against what had just happened, screaming that for that short while they had had to share his mind with someone who wasn't supposed to be there. Screaming against the lack of control Koschei had had over himself. They were scolding him for not being able to protect himself. He could barely bear it, he was sure the pain would eventually destroy him if he stayed there long enough and that was what he planned to do. Tears were streaming down his cheeks helplessly, from the pain both physical and psychological. The drums scolded him for that as well, the pathetic action of allowing himself to cry. He should've been above that. He didn't care though, he couldn't care. He couldn't care about that or anything else, it hurt too much.

Something at the back of his mind knew that lying in the dirt and mud was not a good idea. It was not what a young Time Lord did. Yet a bigger, more consuming part of him thought it seemed fitting. He felt disgusting, he felt dirty, so surely lying in the dirt was perfect. A poetic justice was it not? It didn't make sense in his fractured mind that only a short time ago he had been laughing with his Theta. Only a short time before he had been worried about his father's 'perfect' marriage match, now everything hurt and nothing was a comfort. Theta's loving arms, his mother's calming herbs, none of it was a help to his mind. If anything thinking of Theta made the pain somewhat worse, he couldn't shake the feeling that he had betrayed Theta. This special, meaningful action which he wanted to save for his Theta, that he had allowed Barin to take from him, from the pair of them. The tears stopped with that thought and the pain seemed to reach a level so intense he felt numb.

He knew he couldn't stay there, as much as he may want to just stay there and eventually let the forest consume him, he knew he couldn't. If he wasn't back soon his father would send the servants out to find him and added to everything else would be a lecture on how he should be behave like a proper Time Lord, not messing around in the mud. He knew he wouldn't be able to explain to his father what had happened. He wouldn't be able to say to anyone that had happened. He just had to carry on as though nothing had happened, that's what everyone had to see. He forced himself to his feet and waited for the ground to stop spinning before forcing himself to head home.

"Where have you been?" Lord Oakdown demanded the second Koschei was in his presence.

"I was- I-" Koschei swallowed and pulled himself together. The drums were still thumping loudly but he knew he had to ignore them, he knew he had to continue as though everything was normal. He began again, "I was just with Theta," he told his father.

His father's scowl intensified, "That boy is clearly a bad influence on you, Koschei," Lord Oakdown and Koschei knew this rant was going to be both long and repetitive. Koschei put one hand to his forehead but otherwise made no indication of the level of pain he was in. His father didn't need to know. "You need to learn what it means to be a proper Time Lord. You need to learn to behave in the correct fashion. You are a disgrace, you need to shape up. Allowing one boy to cause you to act in such a way is just now acceptable."

Koschei stayed quiet, barely hearing what Lord Oakdown was saying but getting the basic gist of it.

"And just look at the state of you," Lord Oakdown continued, eyeing Koschei up and down in disgust. "What exactly have you been doing? Rolling around in the mud? You are not a pre-Academy child, anymore, Koschei, it is high time you started acting like the young Time Lord you are supposed to be. I will not allow you to disgrace and shame this family."

There was a lot Koschei could've said, a lot the drums were driving him to say, comments about how Lord Oakdown was managing that himself, but he forced himself to stay quiet. For not the first time Koschei wished he had siblings, if he had siblings the pressure to become a Time Lord fit to be Lord President of Gallifrey would not be so great on him. He didn't want the pressure, he wasn't sure he could hold the position and he certainly didn't want to.

Koschei stayed quiet, listening enough to nod and mutter in agreement when necessary but otherwise barely able to take in what his father was saying. His father ended his rants with the usual "Now get out of my sight," and Koschei didn't need telling twice. On his way to his room he came across his Mother.

Lady Oakdown took one look at him and sighed, "Are you ok, Koschei?"

"Mm," he muttered, not looking at her properly, "Just a headache."

Lady Oakdown smiled slightly and placed her hand on his shoulder, "You get yourself up to bed, I'll bring you up some herbs."

Koschei forced a smile onto his face, though the action was near on impossible through the pain, he nodded a thank you and headed towards his room. Once he was there he made no effort to get changed out of his Academy robes before simply falling onto his bed. He lay flat, staring at the ceiling for a long moment, feeling nothing but pain souring through every inch of his body. He collapsed, losing consciousness due to the pain long before Lady Oakdown came with the herbs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Izzy actually sent me this a while ago but I forgot to upload it. Please R&R**

Chapter three

Koschei lied there on his bed after he came back to his senses, or relatively back to his senses enough to be able to open his eyes. He wasn't even sure for how long. It could have been days, weeks, months, or it could have been hours or even mere minutes, it didn't really matter. He had lost all sense of passing time, he didn't need it anymore. If this would mean that they would just leave him here alone to rot it was all good with him. And still the drums did not give him rest raging through his head. He was sure that in some moment his mum had brought him some of her boiled herbs, he did not touch them.

Everything was passing around him like in a haze through the fog of the pain and the drums. Even keeping his head up and his eyes open was taking too much of an effort. People came and went healers, therapists and family. He was sure that his father had haired the former to find what was wrong with him, but none of them could. They started to force feed him, because he would not acknowledge the food. He could hear his mother plead with him, demand and cry for her little boy, but he would not react. _Oh, mum you poor woman if you knew that that little boy was now claimed by the drums and you would never have him back._He would think with remorse but would never speak aloud.

And there would be one person, one person who could stop the drums from claiming his very soul, the one person that never came to his bedside. He pleaded silently with his Thete to come and see him, just to hold his hand. He told himself that he didn't care if Theta would come or not, it wasn't as if he needed someone to hold his hand anyway. Still gradually with the time passing he become more and more aware of his surroundings, he still would not recognise that his mother was there, or at least would not give any indication of it. By now she had took to reading him old Gallifreyan stories and fairy tales, but it didn't help the noise in his head. Koschei would hardly be able to concentrate on what his mother was saying, there were times that all he could concentrate on were the drums. And they would drive him angry, demand from him to tell her to get lost, to stuff all her tales about Toclafains and Reapers and just go away. And he would sometimes, he would snap at her and shout, and she would look at him with such a disdain that it would bring tears to his eyes. Still he would never throw himself in her arms and beg for forgiveness.

Oh, but there would be worse days when his father would come, who had soon gone past the concern of Koschei's health physical or otherwise. He would try to talk to him at first; hoping that Koschei would snap out of it and come back to reality, but soon he would give up and start to demand. That day wasn't much different as well, Lord Oakdown came into the room sat on the chair next to his bed and leaned with his elbows on his knees but never took his son's hand. The room was dimly lit with the curtains closed over the big windows blocking the bright daytime light coming from the twin suns. The servants had explained to Lord Oakdown that Koschei wanted the light blocked complaining of causing him a headache. Living like a burrower Lord Oakdown thought bitterly, and this one was his only son condemning his whole family line to disgrace. He wouldn't allow this to happen.

"Whatever happened Koschei, you have to snap out of it," his voice was calm and collected but lingering on the cold. "You are a Time Lord not some disgraceful Shaboogan. Get a grip on yourself and by the next week go back to the Academy. I know you can hear me, and I'm not having you wallowing in self-pity like some lesser creature." Lord Oakdown finished and waited for a moment hoping that his son would give a reaction, after not receiving one in less than five minute he decided that he had enough of this and with a graceful step left the room.

Koschei sighed with relief, he might have pulled himself out of the stupor of the first couple of days but he didn't want to deal with his father right now. Closing his eyes he breathed deeply to drive the noise deeper into his mind so he could at least try to think clearly. He was worried about what his father would say and that he might even disown him from the family. It wouldn't be such a precedent here on that planet full with stuffed shirts, especially not if the person had a position into the High Council. But his father was right about one thing Koschei thought, he could not afford to just lie here and wallow in self-pity. Maybe that's what that Shaboogan would have done, or even some of Theta's beloved humans, but he was a Time Lord. And as every Time Lord would do, Koschei needed to man up and face the world once again with his head held up. He made the decision that he was going to be ready to go to the Academy by the beginning of the next week. Drums and bullies be damned. He would show everyone that he was all the part the proud young Time Lord he was supposed to be, and if Theta tries to get on his way it would be regretful but he would deal with it. He was not going to even ask why his lover never came to see him, it would be inappropriate for a Time Lord to do.

A few days later standing in front of the dormitories' door holding his back in hand Koschei could feel his knees go weak and his hearts speeding up. He chastised himself silently feeling disgusted with the way his nerves were overwhelming his Time Lord senses. He took deep measured breaths before even reaching for the door, the sounds around him seems to get muffled and distant, the lights dimmed and he felt as if seeing the world through a curtain of a cotton wool. He stared into the door handle as if enhanced by the view the drums in his head were engulfing everything else into the dark chasm of pain, anger and despair. He realised with a jolt of a shock that he was sinking into his catatonic state again giving on to the primitive instinct of fear and shook himself firmly out of it. He was not going to do this to himself again.

Reaching for the door handle, Koschei was determined that the next time he see Barin, he was going to kill him making him feel all the pain and humiliation he had to experience in the last few days. Before he could open the door however, it was yanked wide open and a figure hurled itself at him with the speed of the light and the force of a hurricane. Instantly alert and on reflex Koschei pushed the person away causing them to fall hard with a thud on the ground. His self-preserve instincts kicking in before he could process who that was and recognise Theta, who now was looking up at him with wounded expression.

"Kosch, I'm sorry that I didn't come to see you alright…" Theta said with barely restricted voice, visibly making an effort not to shout at Koschei for the shock he gave him. His blue eyes shone with hurt and unanswered questions.

"Oh, you are sorry aren't you?" Koschei actually spat bitterly at him. Rassilon he though, he didn't even realise how hurt and angry he was with him until Theta opened his mouth to say that he was sorry. As if sorry would sort out any moment of hurt, any minute of betrayal that Koschei felt.

"Kosch…" Theta tried to appeal to him standing up and reaching for him. But Koschei was too angry now, so he stepped back and pulled away from his friend's touch. Somewhere deep down beneath the noise he knew that it was unfair to let it all out on Theta, but he needed to vent his anger and the other young Time Lord was the most convenient target at that moment.

"Don't touch me now." Koschei bellowed. "I waited for you. I hoped, I pleaded with every deity we read in these books about. But you didn't come. You never came!"

"I couldn't" Theta said looking at the ground. "I wanted and every day you weren't here I thought I was going to die. But that wasn't as bad as the thought that something was so wrong with you that you can't get up and come here. I thought you were dying and no one wanted to tell me. I came to your house, but your father didn't allow me in. I'm sorry Kosch…" Theta said in a hushed broken voice.

He reached his friend and took his chin in his hand propping it up. Oh, Thete, oh his beautiful, beautiful Thete he did come, all that time Koshei had blamed him and felt betrayed he was unfair. His Thete did come, even knowing that his father would do something like forbidding his love to see him a weight from Koshei's gut dropped off. His Thete did care. And then just when he was ready to sigh with relief he saw the small trickle of blood that was running down Theta's temple, blood that he was responsible for.


End file.
